January 2012
2 posts
True Story:
Sometimes if you cry in front of your boyfriend he is really nice to you for the rest of the evening, and even pretends to be interested when you make him watch a clip of Star Trek TNG.
The Bloggess on PIPA/SOPA →
You guys, the cats! No but really, these two bills are opposed by Human Rights Watch. Um, maybe that’s a sign they shouldn’t be passed, since we’re supposed to be the land of the free and all that shit?
December 2011
2 posts
Things I Ate That I Love: help dealing with things... →
thingsiatethatilove:
this simple thing really helped me be less annoyed and I hope it will help you.
me: UGH! If I have to read one more thing about (“literary culture,” a “cute” thing Adam Gopnik’s kid did or said, a very rich person’s feelings, a “trend,” how yoga didn’t make someone thin enough, etc etc etc etc) …
Science for little girls →
I don’t know why it matters, we should obviously stay in the kitchen where we belong.
November 2011
4 posts
YOU GUYS I DID NOT KNOW SEA URCHINS COULD MOVE... →
Also, the ocean is super creepy, as seen in this video. I don’t know what freaks me out more, the starfish and urchins scuttling around like nasty little bugs of the sea or the “icy finger of death” that kills them. *shudder*
Cajones go a long way in fashion →
Fashism has taught me this much.
Where have I been?
Cheese and crackers, I don’t even know. I think my life can be summarized thusly: beer, beer, pretty autumn leaves, junior-in-law visit (junior-in-law is what I call the family of the s.o. since we’re not married—but I always seem to drop out of these things before full-on in-law status is reached), new job complete with tyranny of internet usage, adventures in public...
September 2011
19 posts
A seven-year-old explains what's wrong with DC's... →
WAY TO GO DC. YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED CHILDREN. Okay, I admit I haven’t read any of the rebooted titles, but it seems to me that the point of the reboot should be to update the characters. What this piece tells us is that Starfire used to be a subject and now she’s an object. Which sounds like the opposite of an update to me. (Incidentally, I always preferred Raven, but that’s just...
Romance
(Walking by a behemoth medical center/hospital/whatever)
Me: Ugh, smokers.
Boy: I like how they're wearing scrubs and smoking. Whatever happened to "Physician, heal thyself"? That's about as literal as it can get.
Me: These aren't doctors. They're nurses or medical assistants or whatever. They went to community college to learn to stab you in the arm so they can support their kids without stripping.
Boy: Still! Whenever I see these people I just want to fucking kick them all in the head.
Me: I have never felt closer to you.
1 tag
dont ever hesitate. reblog this.
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
The hell is this? →
PETA + Porn. Okay, I think the critics of this plan have it all wrong. It’s not that I think PETA should be worried about “offending” anyone. I just think that hearing about slaughterhouses sounds like a huge boner-killer. (Or should it be boner killer? Hyphen or no hyphen? I can’t decide. These are life’s great questions, people.)
Art and what have you. →
Cool as I think this is, it really bothers me that Forkin draws parallels to classic works of art without adopting the style of each artist. I mean, I like his style, and in some cases I’m glad because I really hate Mannerism, but I feel the links are at times too tenuous.
Where have I been?
I really don’t know. It’s a riddle. Wrapped in a mystery. Inside an enigma. Obviously.
Rod Stewart vs Tom Jones: A Sleaze Off
The other day a friend made a joke about Tom Jones being a fat, boring slag. This made me realize that I actually had no idea what Tom Jones looks like. So I googled him and … I wouldn’t call him a fat, boring slag. If I had to characterize him, it would be as a Viagra popping* overgrown Oompa-Loompa with an outdated sense of style—an aging sleaze-bag of monumental proportions....
If I had a time machine
I would go back in time to ensure that whoever is responsible for GoDaddy’s advertising is never born. Whether I cock-block his dad or talk his mom into an abortion, it doesn’t matter as long as it gets done. If I could rid the world of those stupid fucking ads I would deserve sainthood. Or at least knighthood. Dame Kitty Ravenhart sounds pretty good, right?
I would buy this if I were the kind of person that... →
Yahoo Answers: An Argument for Compulsory... →
Stick it to the man, little lady! →
I hope this secret library includes Fahrenheit 451.
Here's a hateful sack of shit parading as a human... →
This woman is so full of self-righteousness and hatred I’m surprised she doesn’t have her own show on Fox. Look, I have nothing reasonable to say about this person or her views. When I read bullshit like this I am rendered incapable of saying anything that won’t make my side look bad … so instead, check out this Zinnia Jones video that is far more thoughtful than I am...
I always
type out the word “California” in texts because I am terrified someone will think I actually use the word “Cali” otherwise. And let’s face it, that’s pretty unforgivable.
August 2011
20 posts
Kinda pulled your punch there on Rachael Ray,... →
By now you’ve all undoubtedly heard that Anthony Bourdain said a bunch of mean shit about Food Network stars. Like that’s fucking news or something … Hey everyone, Bourdain is an asshole! Who knew! Oh yeah, everyone. Everyone knew.
Maybe you read this thoughtful piece on the mudslinging? Or maybe you didn’t, because it’s way more fun to read the mean stuff.
“Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s love of scatological humor is so famous, there’s an...”
– From this piece on the Insane Clown Posse/Jack White cover (???? or whatever) of Mozart’s “Leck Mich Im Arse,” which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Is this fact about Mozart really common knowledge? Because I had no clue, and I wish it had stayed that way. Anyway, when...
“All living cephalopods have a two-part beak;[6]:7 most have a radula, although...”
– The wikipedia article about cephalopods (octopus, squid, etc.) provides some fuel for your nightmares. And by “your” I mean “my.”
This sounded funnier and less like verbal abuse...
Me: Ugh, you would not believe what song I have stuck in my head. It's-
Dude: Don't tell me.
Me: It's-
Dude: What-what-what is wrong with you? Why do want to tell me? Why?
Me: Because-
Dude: Because you're a bitch? It's because you're a bitch, isn't it?
Me: No. Because it's been in my head for like, two days and it's making me crazy.
Dude: I think you being crazy is what's making you crazy. Your brain goes where ever the wind blows it. Just . . . whoosh.
(beat)
Me: It's "The Promise" by When in Rome.
Watchstephaniestreisand:
Bingo! Incase you missed the borderline rape monologue from DCM’s Assscat, and wanted to be shocked by it first hand, it starts at 38 minutes.
This story has been all over the place today. I’ve found it on too many different blogs to identify where I first heard about it. Anyway, I wouldn’t call this “borderline” rape at all. I don’t know what...
And this is why if I ever decide to procreate,... →
That, and the fact that every dude I know that was in Boy Scouts for a significant period of time is socially maladjusted.
The worst thing about getting older is learning... →
Seriously
If you are “busy” then what the fuck are you doing signed into a chat or im feature? Because you have to know that when I’ve been drinking (so y’know, always) I’m going to ignore that fucking red dot next to your name in google chat and harass you anyway. It’s like drunk texting with training wheels.
It's a sign of the times . . .
A friend just stopped chatting with me online because she thought I should spend time with the real dude that’s next to me in the flesh, but he and I are still just sitting in the same room, silently engrossed in our respective devices.
Today was the first time I noticed the incredible irony that those fucking “our family” bumper stickers are stick figures. Art does not imitate life.
Abercrombie & Fitch is under the delusion that... →
The "How stupid do you have to be" job posting of...
I love unnecessary capitalization and irregular use of bold text. It tells me that this is the crazy scam pyramid scheme career for me.
FREE Teleconference Explains Everything about this Work at Home position, and how you can Make Money on the Internet, and pocket up to $2500 in your very first month. Just hit the Apply Now button above to get the call in number and times, and to reserve your...
More or less talented jerks diss other more or... →
14. Noel Gallagher on Jack White “He looks like Zorro on doughnuts.”
Thanks a lot. Now I want a doughnut. Anyway, this whole list is seriously vicious, particularly the bit about Eric Clapton’s dead son. What a champion asshole Anton Newcombe is. And somehow, he only came in second. I think a recount is in order.
3 tags
My God, Rock Hudson Was Beautiful Mother Fucker →
As Hairpin contributor Anne Helen Petersen points out in the piece, “I mean, seriously guys — the tragedy isn’t that fans were duped. It’s that a man as seemingly lovable as Hudson had to live a lie in order to win America’s heart.”
It is an epic bummer. Also, it would have been fun to see him get all makey-outy with hot dudes, no?
Things to do instead of looking for a job
Read three to six webcomics, depending on the day of the week.
Watch episodes of Star Trek TNG on Netflix streaming.
Check facebook obsessively.
Read The Hairpin.
Get hungry but since you’re too lazy to fix a proper lunch just eat another bowl of cereal.
While you’re eating, you may as well watch another episode of TNG, right?
Realize you think you saw this episode of TNG...
Hi
Do you like this tumblr theme? I was going to go with The Minimalist but then I decided it was too cunty. But this seems unhip. The line between cunty and hip is too thin and sometimes blurry. My life is hard.